Just good friends
by TrekDr
Summary: This is a bit of a backstory for the captain and tom, the muse being Mia Cooper and s/12167506/1/Reclamation which I read some time ago and filtered into my consciousness. It fits in with my main 'coming home to you' endgame J/C follow on [please read alongside]. Was kept separate due to M rating. Not my characters, not for profit. TY [J/P; J/J; P/T; J/C] J/T friendship
1. Chapter 1 - k rated - endgame

_I have taken a few lilberties with this story, well one mainly, in determining age. Voyager itself doesnt really make ages clear, and there are a variety of alternatives. So, to make my version of the paris/janeway story work, when voyager goes missing, Janeway is in the order of 35. I think this is a reasonable age to have command of her first major assignment, it might even be slightly late, but i am taking a couple of years of slowness for her recovery, as well as swiftness for aptitude. This makes her 42 at endgame. for tom, i am placing him in his late 20's - 28-29 when he joins voyager, finally ready to make something of himself in the right circumstances. So a 6 year difference. If this s going to upset you, I am sorry, and don't read ahead. This is going to have some M ratings along the way, which will be flagged at the chapter heading._

 _This story is wrapped around my 'coming home to you' story, and probably makes more sense read alongside it. I didn't join it in, as this has some m rated moments, and I wanted to keep the other t or less._

.-.-.-.

I sit here in the sickbay with B'E and Miral in my arms. I have with me everything I have ever wanted. I have gone from a man with nothing and no future, to a man with everything, and I am scared. The constancy of voyager, her captain, her crew have let me gain all of this, have reclaimed me from the man i had become. Now everything will change again. Our great success has spat us out in the alpha quadrant, and I am not sure that I can make it out there without voyager. This is my home and my safety. Crazy to think of voyager as being safe, but it s for me. Here. Know who I am. I hug be and she tells me not to worry, it will be OK. It has to be.

When the captain does an all hands announcement of full pardons and confirmed field commissions with pay, one of the worries goes. Speaking to dad on the comm screen also starts to unwind another worry. Distance and time have made the heart fonder, and made the old fights irrelevant. I think we can work to find a new balance. I'm not naive enough to think it will be a bed of roses, but we are making a start. Speaking to him, I am starting to think of the captain as Katie again as well s the captain and Kathryn. Katie has been hidden so far away, neither of us allowing any thought or mention of our shared past except once. When I married B'e she whispered that there need be no secrets between husband and wife. And then I realise that B'e already knew. I thank the captain that knowing and loving her so long ago made me better able to know and love B'e.

harry bursts in and bursts out that Chakotay is dating seven, maybe. He s outraged, he has always bought into the romance of the command couple. It is a seductive thought to want their excellent team working relationship to spill into something more, and we all want them to have some sort of a reward for the hope and leadership we have been given. I think it was there for a bit, but command has stripped them to the bare essentials, and I know that the Captain would never put her feelings over duty and the crew. I hope that whatever happens they are all ok. I can see why Chakotay finally broke and went for his chance of a family. With me n B'e about all the time, he must have been feeling desperate. Despite all equality, and lets face it the captain is the living embodiment of equality, as a male he doesnt have to carry the child, feed the child and have all the physical changes, so it is still an easier deal. I tell Harry to give them a break and let to all work itself out. Once I was also keen to push the two together, but the captain is more than just a romantic object. She is strong, fearless, a great leader with a gift for making her crew the best they can be. She is determined and focused, and it was clear we needed all that determination and focus. She was right, there was no place for her to be other than a captain and a friend.

harry whips his head round to look at me, and B and the doctor also look at me quizzically. What have I been saying? What have I given away? I try and move it on, with some discussion of us making this truly celebrational, we and our command team have beaten all the odds and come home. we need a celebratory party, and we want the captain to have a really good time! so we need to make sure that on this occasion, she is not bound by the command reserve. If she and chakotay want a relationship, it will happen, the captain is single minded when she wants something. its not crew business, but celebrating is. Harry gets the message, and we are ready to party! discussion with Chell and my father means that all the food and drink are there. Harry and myself have the music and ambience, with the help of friends! God, i remember how Katie can move though. I wonder if i can get her to be so free again, it is worth the challenge!

When Harry has gone, i have a hurried conversation with B. She sighs, and tells me she knows about Katie, and as long as i come back to her, i can get on with giving both of our friend a really good night to remember. I look shocked, she calls me flyboy, and says not *that* good a night. I know it is OK. After all, the captain is the captain, but Katie is family. At times of need, families stick together.

The captain and chakotay parade down and visit us. No, they visit Miral! a bit of a hug of B and me, and their focus is all on the baby. It is so clear how much Miral means to both of them, and even if they don't end up together, we are all going to spend time together still. i can see that whatever is in our future, at least we 4 will stay close. I think that there is a chance that back in the alpha quadrant, the captain might surprise us. She has a determined look in her eyes as she waltzes off with the doctor and when she looks like that, I know there is a plan involved. Go get him katie! It looks like I am still bought into that happy ever after too. As long as she is happy! i wonder about chakotay and seven, but know that the captain would have a plan for everyone, after all, she loves seven too, and has never left a crewmember behind. I dont imagine that habit of putting others first will be steamrollered away by personal desire, even now.

I get Miral and B to engineering, and then go to the holodeck to help the doctor until it is time to be on the bridge. Working on the programme gives me plenty of time to daydream.


	2. Chapter 2 - k rated - the early years

As I am programming the music for the Voyager crews celebratory gala party for returning home, I get a chane to really reminisce. It is a long time since I allowed myself to think of the Captain as Katie. In the delta quadrant, she really only could be the Captain for all of us. Life was just too dangerous, we needed to live and breathe the command structure, ready to ping into red alert mode with no thought. Any other relationships within command were extraneous and potentially distracting. There is a lot that I haven't thought about, and it will be good to be able to integrate the Captain and Katie one day.

I guess that my earliest memories of Katie are mostly reimagined holo-vids and images. Our time together seems to be long sunny daya, at the beach house we have in new mexico, or by the lake house they had at lake george. Both our fathers were absent for long periods of time, but were good friend, so I guess it was only natural theat our mothers would meet regularly, particularly when we were little, and in the holidays, to provide a wider support network. Our images reflect this with all our shared time being with our mothers. When our fathers were home, then we met for parties, but not holidays. We monopolised our fathers when they were home. So yes, pictures of chubby blong boy baby held in the arms of an older redhead, a toddler with blond curls trying to run after 2 redheaded girls. It looks like I was always chasing them. Katie, 6 years older, and Pheebs, 3 years older. Chasing, and never catching up.

I never caught up with Katie in my fathers eyes, and I hope that now I will never have to. She was brighter, more single minded, insightful, talented and was a true honours cadet in Starfleet. She worked hard – and played hard – and aced all the courses and exams, set for future stardom. My father held her as the example I should follow, and all my successes where judged on the yardstick that is Katie janeway. I grew to be heartily sick of that name in my teens.

I run ahead though, my first real memories are of sailing. First in small tubs by the jetty, with Katie and pheebs getting muddled up, going round in circles. Pheobe laughing and Katie perservering until we all had it right, Gradually being allowed more freedoms, life vests on. I cant believe the freedom we had, we could have drowned! Looking back, I guess that they probably had more of a view of us than I thought. We moved on to bigger and better boats, Opi and Mirror basic yachts, to learn how to boat with no modern accessories, boats with old engines, modrn sleek water boats. We canoed and kayaked, splashed and laughed.

All three of us loved to sail and paddle. Katie in charge, pheebs daydreaming, making up adventure stories that we would follow. Well, I would follow. I was their lost pirate boy, their stolen prince, a merman turned human. Endless stories from Phoebe, and I felt part of their little team. I nearly drowned, broke arms falling from trees, slipping on decks with cuts and bruises. It became commonplace to take out our 'playing clothes' as our mothers trusted Katie. Even then, she was good with a hypospray and dermal regenerator. I have no idea how a 12 year old gets to have these things.

I remember running with laughter with the Janeway pack until I was ten. In that time I had acquired my love of sailing, of steering a direction, at one with your ship. I had learned to take apart and fix numerous small vehicles, pieces of redundant farm equipment which we would race around the fields surrounding the Janeway Indiana home, or turn into something new and unexpected. Tinkering and fixing was approved study from both our fathers, and Katie and I would often have a project to fix awaiting us, chosen by them. With Katie leading, it was fun, messy and full of laughter. Pheebs would bring us food, paint, drift away. We learned about designing, form and function. We learned how to work together, even though we were of different ages and abilities. But when I turned ten, it stopped.

Katie had grown up, found other things more important, ran with different friends, and studied hard. I barely saw her, in between a pre-cadet camp, or a preparation camp, or extra tuition. She had a goal, and that goal was Starfleet. When we did meet, we might sail together, but no longer with pheebs imagining stories for us, instead Katie would be sailing a starship, , re-enacting her father's missions. Talking the beauty of maths and physics and being guided by the stars. At ten, I had no patience for this, and soon would be off with boy cousins instead. Without Katie to hold us together, Pheebs and I found we had no real common ground.

Without Katie, the rebuild projects my father tried to carry on were difficult pointless and I made no attempt, My father never seemed to see that I would have been interested to do it with him. Instead, they all seemed like tests instead of fun. I failed his tests, his obvious disappointment in me made me resistant to everything I thought would give him pleasure after a while. I didn't want to fail him, so I didn't try to succeed. The Janeways perfection became a running sore, a wound between us, as I was always wanting. I began to imagine she had done all these things with ease, never trying, just coasting through. I forgot all the hours of study I had seen, her interest in pulling apart and making again, working out what worked, how it worked and why it did. I forgot all the good things, and just made her name into a curse.

I lost sight of the Janeway pack. We met only for the family gatherings, barbecues, pre Christmas get togethers, and as reluctant attendees at family Starfleet events. Well, I was certainly reluctant. Years of playing though meant that we had our secret codewords, and sometimes, with a quirk of a grin, the poised cadet Janeway would say the most outrageous codewords to see whether we could still keep a straight face. She would insult admirals and overly familiar ensigns without them even realising, whilst Pheebs and I would turn away. I remember lots of overfamiliar ensigns, both for Katie and later Pheebs. They would twirl and dance, a steady stream of young men attracted by both their looks and their connections. Both tended to look studiously bored. Occassinally I would be persuaded by our fathers to take a turn with one of the girls, and we would smile politely and hope that it would be short, for them I was now an unattractive teen when they wanted to be seen with the more exciting lieutenants who could flatter and coax. Pheebs stopped coming at about the same time that I did. I guess I was 15 then, and she was 18.

I am thinking of them both dancing a twirling when the doctor asks me if I am ever going to move again. I come to with a jump and laugh. 'Just remembering' I say with a grin. He eyes me up, and asks just how outrageous was the captain then when we were growing up together. I give a shout of laughter. 'She was exactly as you would imagine, studious, helpful, determined, focussed.' He looks disappointed, when I add 'it was after that that she learnt how to let the inner wildness out, mostly safely!' He hmm hmms me and eyes me again 'is this something the captain would want you to discuss' , I guess not 'I am hoping that I can get her to show off her wild side tonight, she is probably the best dancer in Starfleet, especially when she lets her hair down. She really knows how to move that body! As for anything else, I wouldn't know to comment' . I get back to programming quickly, but think that he may already know something that I am not saying. Damn holograms can read your vital signs, and the automatic changes that occur when I think of Katie moving her body are a dead giveaway.

'So', I say,' are you and seven doing a number for us?' He agrees, Seven, apparently, thinks that this is a good opportunity to showcase their developed skills, and will facilitate the crew enjoyment. The doctor has programmed the segment of music, with a suitable backdrop – my heart sinks slightly – and this will define the moment between the slightly more formal, or at least recordable element of our celebration to the off limits/no record/no rank part. I am surprised the Captain has agreed to this, and comm Harry to confirm. I am rather shocked by his evasive answer, and immediately PADD chakotay to break it to her – and hopefully get her approval. I am sure it will be fine… I would hate her to leave early if it wasn't. Comes from being distracted by my adorable baby.

I PADD B for good measure, and she sends back a picture of her and Miral, and suggests that I look at the captain jumping with them for Naomi. It is clear that she is unwinding her formidable command persona, and allowing more of the human Kathryn to show. I put the celebration tour on a screen on the holodeck, and have a look at the scuttlebutt going around. Jenny Delaney makes me snort with the suggestion of sending the captain to risa! I don't think so! Something more timeless? Perhaps replicate a decanter for her favourite whiskey with the path that voyager has taken etched into it? Others suggest tumblers with crew names, or with her favourite command words – we all vote for just do it, we agree to replicate a sash saying this and a tiara for the party to wear in the post-doc phase, if we can persuade her to.

Better get back to the programming!


	3. Chapter 3 - M rated - seduction

_This is M rated. Please avoid this chapter if this is an issue. it is consensual sex._

I think we are nearly done with the part preparations, and the doctor, harry and I are congratulating ourselves on all being ready. Tuvok has set up the automation on voyager, with alerts first to him and the doctor as neither will be imbibint real alcohol or synthehol tonight so could snap back into command mode. I am sure the captain could too If required, but we should be orbiting earth by then. The captain and commanders perambulation is scheduled to finish on the bridge at about the time we enter our solar system, and the earth should be coming clearer then. My father has warned tuvok to keep shields raised to repel boarders, and expects a flotilla of news vehicles and private ships to try and join us. We will privacy screen all our viewing ports, so no-one can see in. Tuvok has also tagged all the acceptable biosignatures, and it needs his authorisation for any transport. We have food and drink to transport up when we are in orbit. My father is very disappointed not to be joining us this evening!

I put on some of the music choices to play as I finish the programme. The doctor grimaces and notifies me of his plan to now return to the peace of sickbay. He is designing and replicating Seven's outfit, and has something special in mind. Although I have been thinking of the captain, I recall his declaration of love, and place a hand on his arm. I tell him that we are all friends now, and that I understand that the scuttlebutt about Chakotay and Seven will hurt him too. We are here to talk, if and when he wants too. He nods, and thanks me, before leaving.

The music takes me back to where my thoughts were aiming. My 18th year and my planned assignation with Pheebs. At this time, Ensign Janeway was a longway from my mind and circle. I heard of her, irritatingly, from my father still, his paragon of virtue! But Pheebs, she was a crazy one, and her parents did not try and fit her into a Starfleet box. She was currently living a free and easy, very easy, life as an art student and devotee to living. I had a huge crush on her, would blush and stutter in her presence, and she would barely notice me some occasions and flirt with me others. I had run through a number of unsatisfactory girlfriends/relationships over the past year, and was feeling the need to enter the adult world, with some real women. I was blown away when, after a chance meeting at a beach bar, pheebs suggested we should meet for the weekend, swaying suggestively and giving me a kiss that to me promised everything. I gave her the transport coordinates into the heart of my parents beach house in new mexico, and went away to make sure we were alone, it was fully stocked, and spent the next three days in a state of anguish of anticipation. More fool me. I laugh at the stupity and innocence of my younger self.

Unfortunately pheebs didn't remember, but worse than that, she had given the coordinates to her big sister, who was attending a party on that same beach, and was looking for somewhere to crash. So whilst I was waiting with increased frustration on that Friday night, Ensign Janeway was dancing round a fire on the beach, no doubt surrounded by eager suitors, and knocking back the liquor. I could hear the beat of the party, and was feeling more and more frustrated, so went to the shower to relieve myself. As I came out of the shower, with a towel draped around me, I noticed that the beat had made it into the beach house and was drowning out rational thought, and gyrating very suggestively to it in the front room with a bottle in her hand was, was Katie.

Her eyes were closed and the way she moved, well, I was hooked. My body responded instantly, and I watched the most seductive dance that I have ever seen. Without awareness of her audience, Katie was allowing all her sensuality and passion to be apparent as she moved, hips gyrating, body undulating, and her free hand caressing herself, whilst the other waved the bottle. She was wearing the smallest of bikini tops and the shortest of hotpants. All that tactical training in Starfleet had given her a honed body to die for, perfectly formed, and I ached to hold her. I was in pain from wanting. Nothing had ever made me so needing before. God, I could hardly breathe. Even thinking about this event has me wanting and needing. I have kept this memory hidden away for the last seven years apart from the one confessional outing. It has been a precious part of history, but something that I couldn't have before me as I have watched the captain strutting across the bridge.

I stood up then and went towards her, blond, tanned, toned from surfing and sailing, with water glistening from the shower I had taken, and my eyes conveying all the want, adoration and lust that an eighteen year old can manage. I gripped her drink hand as I stood so close that we were only a hairsbreadth apart. 'is this a private party, or could you use some company' . She huffed a laugh and took a step back, and eyed me from my head to my toes and back again, with an appraising glance at where my body was desperately trying to free itself from my towel. 'how old are you Tom?' she husked. 'old enough' I answer and moved so that I was pressing against her.

I am moving with her beat, gyrating my hips against hers, my breath caught as I wait her response. She rasps that I had better keep up then. She swigs from the bottle, eyes me directly, with something of a challenge, a quirk to her lips, and moves so her back is against me, her firm buttocks pressing against my hardness, grinding and swirling around it. Oh my god. I start counting backwards to stop myself from just pushing her against a wall and taking her far too quickly and far too roughly. I realise that if I want this, I want this her way, with slow seduction. I want to please her, to pleasure her, to make this last. I want to learn how to be a lover. She has used her hand to lift up her copper ringlets of hair, and I realise the request. Shakingly, I undo her straps and her top falls loose, I reach my arms round and fingers slip below the waistband as she continues to dance against me. I am lost in the aroma of her, musky yet sweet, the hint of whiskey from her breath, the citrus from my shower, and my own musk of desire. The buttons undo, and she shrugs off the hotpants from her hips, and they fall to the floor. She is naked, in my arms, and this is happening. The towel drops as well and the feel of her skin against my hardness is nearly enough.

She realises and dances away, 'well done Tom, stay the course' she murmurs, and passes me the whiskey. It is strong, and its peaty taste sears my throat as it goes down. She laughs huskilly. In the seductive light I had planned for her sister, her skin glows a ghostly white, and her hair glints, coppery like the whiskey. Her eyes though are deep pools of the evening blue sky. I am drowning in her. 'taste me' she commands, and sashays forwards. Her lips come close to mine as she stands on her toes and reaches up, twisting her hand in my hair. they brush mine and move to my cheek and across my eyes. Kisses as delicate as a butterfly trace over my face, she drops me, moves away, and after a final swig places the bottle down. I am stopped where she left me, without her animating me, i am bereft, lost without her warmth. She beckons and i stand behind her, placing hesitant kisses around her neck, across her shoulder. i cautiously lick in the hollow above her clavicle, and am rewarded with a low moan. I gently lick and kiss across her again, and move down her back. my hands have a life of their own, and from the relative safety of stroking the curves of her belly, the hollows in front of her hips, they brush downwards. They tangle in her curls. I am on my knees and i kiss and lick her buttocks, and a small bite. She is pulsing against me. Whenever she moans, or moves, I file that away to remember, and come back to. I lick into the crack between her cheeks as my hand finds her wet and enveloping, moving my hand lazilly around her lips in sweeping circles from the edge of her well to the hard clitoris, she shivers to my touch. I turn her around, licking and kissing her hips, kissing her mound, and i taste her. i teeter on the edge of madness, I have never made love like this. All before have been adolescent fumbling and gratifcation by the quickest means. Now, I am no longer caring about my own pleasure, but on how to make her moan. Her hands direct mine, and I am licking, kissing her hard nub whilst my fingers stroke her hips, her buttocks and down into her crack, pushing lightly against her anus before circling her again. She is moaning harder and i edge her backwards until she sinks down onto the couch. A leg goes either side of my head and I bury myself in her, licking, nipping, lapping, nudging. I lick over and around her fingers as she leads me to where she needs me. I am in heaven, and by her moans, I hope that she is too. As the tempo increases, her moans become shouts, my poor hard cock quivers, desperately wanting to be ensconced within her. I plunge my thumb in her, pressing her perineum whilst her whole body arches around me. Oh my God, the delight at giving such pleasure, I hum with the ecstasy and power. I lick and tease her through the aftershocks until her hand finds me and brings me upwards. slowly i kiss her belly, languorously trailing my fingers behind me, dipping into her wetness, i raise them to my mouth and lick them. she chuckles, and wickedly does the same. I lave her nipples and breasts, feeling them come erect at my touch, roaming my tongue and fingers around them, learning their secret delights and making her moan more. As I finally navigate to her mouth we share a kiss of wanton passion, of hedonism and desperate enjoyment. In this moment, i feel that i will be hers forever. My hardness is close to her, it feels the moisture of my eager ministrations and of her arousal and enjoyment. I feel a quiver as i position myself close to her entrance. I am entranced, desirous of her and as i think we will join, she laughs and pushes me back.

Sat on the floor, I wonder whether this was it. She had just invited me to taste her, but as an apology starts she leans forwards and kisses me again, hard and powerful, and slips off the couch to straddle me. Her breasts jut against my face and I enthusiastically kiss and lick them until she moves back, placing my hands on her hips, and her hands on my shoulders. her eyes catch mine and hold them, and i gaze into their depths as she strokes my head with her lips. I quiver and a sigh is pulled from me. She rotates her hips, whilst holding me at the entrance. It is almost painful, wanting so much to just thrust hard, to seek release. Her eyes keep me, and the eroticism of the movements in time to the music beat catch me, and I pulse and sway gently to the same rhythm. Slowly, she allows me the merest micron of entrance and I swell, and feel my breath catch. 'trust me' she purrs. 'always' i rasp back, my breathing only partially under my control. I am holding myself still with the greatest of difficulty, my hands grip at her hips, and she slowly, oh so lowly lowers herself as she carries on the seducing twist and gyrate over me. My breath is coming in gasps, i am moaning, i look at her with a plea as she grin back, and then breaks our eye contact, throwing her head back in wild abandon as suddenly she engulfs the whole of me within her. 'Shit' is all i can think of saying. My god, i feel so hard that I might penetrate all the way through to her brain i am in so deep, and as she undulates over me, pulling out and then back, i move with her rhythm, slowly we make a crescendo. She has so much strength of will, keeping us at the event horizon, creating the maximum pressure and anticipation, and then with a joyful laugh she pushes us both over. I am thrusting up without control, holding her, crying her name, crying to gods i don't believe in whilst she rides me in total abandon. I think i might have passed out after i came, because I am aware of her laying on me, stroking my hair, murmuring my name as i restart breathing. She holds me as i shudder against her, caressing me, mothering me, calming me. Then, as I come back to myself, she swings up, 'well done tom, i think some food and a refresh is required. find me something delicious and bring it to the hot tub, if you are up for it'. With a suggestive look and an uncharacteristic giggle, she sashays away from me into the night. Oh my god! i follow, of course I follow, grabbing food and champagne, I scamper after her.

We spent all that weekend making love. I learnt how to love gently, how to love passionately, to lose myself in lovemaking and to make her lose herself. I put her needs first, and then she put mine first, teaching me how i liked to be pleasured, opening me to all the possibilities. I truly became a man that weekend. A weekend of glory and love. At the end, as we dressed, she put her fingers to my lips and swore me to secrecy. I might be 'old enough' but we both new that our weekend crossed an unwritten line from our childhood, when we had been nearly siblings, but as close as cousins. we were not in love in the classical sense, but we were bound to each other. Her uniform on and she had beamed away. Both of us aware that this would be unrepeatable, and at the next tedious barbecue, there would be no acknowledgement. But as I tidied and left, I left a different tom than i arrived.

B'Elanna breaks my reverie, and I realise i have been sitting here a while. Kathryn is going into astrometrics on the screen, her confident stride in. god i love you, i whisper to her. B'elanna laughs, and says i should make it back to her quarters, as she needs to remind me who i belong to. I shout with laughter. 'Oh, it is you B'e, I have no doubt about that. But i am glad you allow me that pocket of love and loyalty' . 'Hmm', says B'elanna,' you need to come home right now. P'tak' and I know what kind of a klingon welcome i have waiting for me. I am certainly more than in the mood! 'coming, my love' as i use a site to site into our quarters and straight into her arms.


	4. Chapter 4 - m rated - shared confidences

_This aligns with chapter 11/12 of coming home to you and makes more sense reading with this. As a precis, Seven declares her relationship with Chakotay, to the captain's horror whilst she is doing a round of the ship to celebrate their arrival in the alpha quadrant. She decides to rise above the loss, but confesses her love to Naomi whilst comforting her. chakotay doesnt comment. The crew rally behind the captain. It is M for swearing [B'Elanna is a Klingon...] and very hinted at reference to treatment as a cardassian prisoner._

Hmm, the good thing about being Klingon, or at least part Klingon, is that we are pretty much ready to go as soon as we have given birth. My body has bounced back, but my hormones are driving me crazy! Watching the dance of Chakotay and Kathryn drives me crazy. Why can't he see she is just waiting for him to make the first move. What is all the talk about Seven? I don't understand why he wouldn't have told me. He does most of his confessing to Mike, ever since the Maquis days, but I am his little sister, surely he would have told me if he had moved on with love? Is it because I am now close to the Captain as well. For years we have had a standing velocity and drinks date.

Kathryn and I have become good friends over the years, it started simply enough with engineering. I found I respected her as an engineer, she came up with answers - i realised this when we were stuck in that black hole and debated the correct course to take, she knows how to strip parts of the engine as quickly as I could. Whenever I need help, she knows what to do without asking, and if she isnt needed on the bridge, she isnt afraid to get dirty. I then had to learn grudgingly respect her as a captain, although i shouted and blustered, destroying the array was the only option, and she was strong enough to do it, despite knowing how the crew would feel. My belief that she is the only person who could have forged this crew and brought us back is uncontested.

She also brought me to the man I love beyond distraction, and who loves me back. She brought him to me, and had already turned him into the kind of man who could handle me. Some woman! I know he is there watching the vidscreens now, and I call him to see how much longer he will be programming as I am back with miral in our quarters for a rest. With his answer, I can tell he has been reminiscing, and is hot, horny and ready to be mine. I laugh as he site to sites in, miral is asleep and we pull each others clothes off with abandon and I throw him to the bed. I would have thought nothing would interrupt hot Klingon sex, but as I look up, I catch an image of the Captain, frozen. I sit up and Tom looks to at the image before us. 'no' we both breathe, it is our beloved Captain, and she looks broken, devastated. There is only one man, who could have done this today. I have only seen her look so bad when we lost someone, and I guess she just has.

Tom is on the PADD, and on the scuttlebutt, it says Seven has just said she and Chakotay have had sex! not just dating, and she is claiming him for the party tonight. I just cant believe even seven could be so crass, and if that is the case, why the hell hasn't he told the captain before. I know he has been a bit bitter since Quarra but I thought he had got beyond that, they certainly had seemed friendly and laughing. I realise that with supporting the Captain following that, added the burden of the pregnancy, and all the damncrap things that take my fixing in engineering, I just haven't had the time with Chakotay that I usually would. oh Kahless, I have let him down. His withdrawal from the Captain, I don't think he ever got his head around Jaffen, and Tom and I wrapped up in our marriage and child, flaunting what he and the Captain didn't/couldn't have. Shit. This seven business must be new? Surely not since that planet crash. Damn him and crashing on planets. We message Harry to get that image down now.

We are dressing, our passion forgotten as we watch the Captain comfort us all whilst comforting Naomi. She is far more forgiving than I am. I might forgive his wandering eye, well she has before, but I couldn't forgive the announcement in front of everyone on the celebration walk. It is like slapping her in the face. Gods, but I am angry at that. The rest he has a right to, but where are his balls, he should have let her know.

In a rage, PADD chakotay, I tell him he is an effing shit. How could he effing leave it to his emotionally clueless paramour to announce that he was screwing her, in public, to the captain. Did he really hate Kathryn so much? Why the effing hell did he not have the balls to have told her. I call him all the Klingon names for total shit that I can think of. I am so angry and upset, that if I had my bat'leth, I would challenge him with it for her honour. Bastard. P'tak. Worthless piece of shit. What makes me the most unhappy, is that I know that he isn't really that person. He is kind, considerate, attentive, and clearly misled in his need to replace a feisty Kathryn with the naive Borg. For good measure I comm him too. Chakotay, p'tak, you had better be ready to talk to me about this.

'shit, tom' I growl, we better effing make sure this is a night to remember and she gets to truly party. 'What the hell has been going on?' I wail. My two best friends couldn't seem further apart. Tom hugs me, and reminds me that we aren't going to interfere between them, but support them both.I take a deep breath and own up to my PADD message. We hold each other, wishing life could be simpler for two of our three best friends.

I PADD Chakotay an apology, blaming the hormones, being Klingon and just saying without thinking, and ask him if he needs to talk, i will be there for him, that I still love him, my brother. I don't get an answer to that either, but I wasn't expecting to.

Just then we hear Harry talking to the captain, he tells her he loves her. We are speechless, it is true, and it is brave. Tuvok joins in, and sobbing I do too, as does tom. There is no shame in owning to my love of the captain, she has saved my life in many ways, not least in understanding me and helping me become the B'elanna I was always meant to be, the one I could see reflected in her eyes. A damn fine engineer and now a wife and mother.

I strap Miral on into her sling, and we join the throng of people ready to line the corridors. Tom kisses me and says he should go to the bridge, and help harry out there sorting the comm messages and images.

As I find a place in the corridor, I smile at the crowds of voyagers doing the same thing, we make it all the way from astrometrics to the mess hall. I am right outside astrometrics, and plan to lead everyone after the command team to the mess hall where we will pay our respects to those lost but not forgotten.

I stand there and think of what we share, and wonder whether she ever has shared with Chakotay any of her Cardassian prisoner experience. I hope she has, but think that she never did, he might otherwise have got the whole Quarra thing. I think that it is one of the sources of some of her crazy obstinate behaviours, her uncertainty over loving and intimacy, her desire for justice and saving her crew at all costs, her desire for self-sacrifice, bordering on self-immolation, her saving of the ocampa, how she couldn't forgive ransom for the torture of another species, well so much. The Cardassians as well as Klingons have certainly shaped me. She might not want it to define her, but it is certainly was a life changing experience, as it has been for me as well. I shrug as I realise that even to myself, I cant dwell on what those experiences were. We both recognised early that we had some very similar personality traits, and flaws. It took the doctor and crell effing moset and my own self-immolating response for us to open up to each other. We have never looked back.

I know, for example, that the official records have been hugely doctored, I know that she spend nearly a fortnight as a guest to the cardassians, and I didn't need to be told details of how they would welcome a young Starfleet female. We drank ourselves into oblivion on the holodeck one night, after attacking cardassian after cardassian with unholy ferocity. Then I accepted her as a mighty warrior, we were unstoppable together. Collapsing with exhaustion and intoxication, we swapped our stories in a whisper, letting the words go, hugging each other and drinking until we could let some peace in. We did this every free night over the next month, and gradually we found that we had more strength to put it behind us, to claim the strength from it, and spend more time playing other games, velocity for example, before our now traditional blood wine /whiskey night cap. Our shared experience and shared discussion has allowed me to understand her so much better, and be prepared for her demands. She is my best female friend. I know that there are very few others that know anything, and that I am probably the only one to know most.

Then, as my relationship with tom developed, she started one night by taking me to a girls only sandrines rather than our usual game. 'We need to get very drunk 'Lanna, as I have a confession to make'. I look at her and say it must be really bad, since I thought we had done so many tough confessions already. She nods briskly, and with her characteristic decisiveness, she downed nearly a whole tumbler of whiskey in one, and it was definitely not synthehol. I prepared for the worst.

We are some tumblers down when she asks me whether I knew that the Parrises and Janeways had been close family friends when she was growing up. I'm not surprised at that information, she rescued Tom from jail, and has always given him a bit more leeway to be cheeky. I am surprised though that this is the lead in to her difficult confession. What the hell has Tom or the Parises done or got that would need a paralysing amount of alcohol to tell? Boy, am I in for a surprise! She starts with her 'moment of craziness' as she calls it. One weekend when she was on shoreleave, and she had just broken up with some p'tak who she realised was after her fathers influence as much as her body, she needed some straightforwards adoration. She went to crash in the beach hut that Phoebe had rented, but didn't need, and found it already inhabited, by an all-grown-up childhood friend. The fact that it had felt slightly wrong added to the spice and excitement. My jaw literally drops! Kathryn, seducing a teenage Tom. She demurs, he needed no seducing at all, and appeared semi-naked sprinkled in shower water like some young Adonis and had quite literally begged for it. i grin at that image, it is a Tom i am familiar with. Kathryn reminds me she was still young and wild, and on science track rather than command, with the increase in freedom to bend the rules. Not that she had needed much persuading though, she was in the mood, and god, he was hot! What else was she expected to do? He had been a very quick learner, and they had had a fantastically hot weekend, but both had known that there were no romantic emotions involved and parted on excellent terms. I pointed out that he still literally drooled *every* time she went to red alert on the bridge, or leant over him at the conn. She giggled, and downed another whiskey. 'the conn is for Chakotay' ' anyway, it lead to lots of interesting dances at otherwise very boring barbecues and Starfleet events, I am surprised we never got pulled up for it' .' but this', she says downing yet more whiskey, 'isn't quite the full confession' and goes silent. We both take a drink. I wonder what else there is, because her bottle is nearly empty, and she will be dead on her feet tomorrow.

'effing shit – sorry' I say and sit up straight,'that's why Tom took you when he went crazy and evolved! I never understood that!' 'damn straight,' she replied 'and we made short work of reproducing'. I take some pulls of my cider, as I wait for the real confession. I cant keep quite though, 'and why he agreed to root out the spy, you knew completely that you could trust him' 'uh huh', 'why you were so rough on him over the moneans?' 'yep, couldn't risk showing any favouritism,I had to come down harder, he did understand'. A whole heap of events get replayed and reviewed in my head, making far more sense now.

Finally she is ready to share. She was rescued from the cardassian holding station by a gorgeous caring man who swept her off her feet but was apparently blind to the fact that the Cardassians had used her every which way, and she wanted him to remain in innocence. He apparently had been given the shorter version of their time, and that the Cardassians had only concentrated on the Admiral. I thought he must have been wilfully blind, some men only see the truths they want to see. He wanted to wait until marriage, which had given her time, but she had been totally uncertain as to whether she could ever have sex again, let alone enjoy it, or give enjoyment to another. I suddenly knew where this was going. Tom. It could only be him. i knew of his kind heart and giving soul.

Tom had found her, drunk in a louche bar, where she had been plucking up the courage for a random one nighter to see how the land lay, as it were. She had cried on his shoulder, and over a number of drinks, the story had come out. He took her back to his flat to sleep it off, and held her as she cried through the night for the loss of who she had been. The next day over coffee and breakfast, he had put a proposition to her that perhaps he could be the one that she tested the water with. He was safe, he would stop when she asked, and they knew they were compatible. She had nothing to prove or to lose. He was gentle, cautious, slow and careful. Over the next month or two they had gradually pushed her boundaries until it started to seem normal again. He reconnected her with her passionate side, and made her forgive herself. Then one day he had kissed her goodbye for the last time. The next time she had seen him was in New Zealand jail many years later.

As she told me, I realised tom had also learnt the gentleness he needed to capture my heart safely from his love of his Katie. I owed her so much. I hugged her, and thanked her for sharing this. We cried together. I asked her about this fiancé. 'Dammit, I killed him 'lanna, killed him with my inaction. I lost him and my father, and swore never to lose anyone again if there was anything I could do to save them. After all that, he never got to find out one way or the other after all, I loved him with my whole heart but never my body. I'm just destined to never get married. My love life is just one disaster after another. I have given up on it. ' with that she hugged me one more time and we made our way back to our quarters. Like all our previous confessionals, we were back to professional Captain the next day. I bet she had access to hyposprays from her replicator. No wonder it has been so crap at food, she has been fiddling with the programming.

They are coming out of engineering, I put my memories behind me and stare at the both whilst leading the cheering. She is an open book - unusually, and he is a closed shop - also unusually. She strides like a captain, whilst he is gliding like the maquis he was of old. Something is not adding up.


	5. Chapter 5 -m rated - hurt and resolution

_This reflection takes place between chapters 12 and 13 of coming home to you and the story wrap around makes more sense reading it._

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I rush up to the bridge and give Harry the biggest of hugs. He has been my best friend for 7 years of mixed laughter and fear, and he has just now led a huge outpouring of love for our Captain. I pat him on the back, and then go over to tuvok and pat him on the back too. I grin as his eyebrow quirks up. We have been altogether for seven years, the senior crew supporting the command team both obviously and deviously. 'So', i say, 'we are all ready for the captain coming on the bridge? you saw the show in engineering?' baytart grins, and agrees that the bridge is all ready to go. I smirk back at them all, and say the party is all ready to go too! I shove my way to the conn, and sit pretending to fly voyager, though the autonav is on. Mostly, I am looking at the images of the captains peregrination through the ship on her walk of victory [well that is what i cal it], and I allow myself to remember Katie when she returned to me.

I remember seeing that broken look on her face when I took her back to my apartment. It horrified me then as it does now. She is not a woman to look broken, but both times it is around loving someone, her Achilles heel. Both times, both times I have the instinctive need to rush to her defence, to help her. This time I will be part of her voyager family and will give her an escape through celebration and community. I know it will work, even if it takes a while. Last time, well last time was through dancing as well. Dancing and sex. Love.

By then, some numbers of years later than our beachside tryst, i was definitively struggling with my father, who was unappreciative of my exceptional flying but poor command skills. I was seeing how little i could get away with at starfleet with my father's name to save me. Often in the evenings, while the others were studying, i would slip out to a variety of the seedier bars and clubs and drink my father's disappointment away. I was just about to order a beer when the sight of coppery curls caught my eye. I changed the order to a bottle of whiskey and 2 glasses and sat down beside her. 'of all the gin joints in all the worlds' i say and she looks up, but her face falls. She looks dreadful, a mixture of guilt, desperation and something else, she is hiding something. She begs me to go away, forget i saw her, things are hard enough. I don't, i sit down, hand her a full tumbler, which she knocks back, and tell her to spill it. She looks questioningly at me, and i rephrase out of my 20th century preference to a curt 'c'mon Katie, its me, just talk, let's face it, you need to'. i am shocked when her face looks broken and tears spill out. I top her glass again, and it takes most of the bottle and all my charm to wheedle out the problem. I am more shocked when I have finished, and buy another bottle to take home, with Katie.

Somehow, in my plan to be the worst starfleet son around, I seem to have completely missed that my father's short visit with the cardassians was significantly longer, and not only was he tortured, but so was his young protegee. I am horrified, and have that sinking feeling of having failed again. Failed my father on level that may be truly unforgiveable at last. How am I ever going to fix this. I get Katie to my apartment and gradually, over the second bottle, she tells me most of the story, how she was raped, in front of my father for maximum effect, over and over again, and then she goes quiet and is clearly remembering. i have a second surprise, she is engaged to her rescuer. Certainly in love. I have drunk too much to really understand the issue, so i nod, offer to help, and snuggle her as she falls asleep.

The next day, when katie looks at me from the corner of her eyes, she asks me whether i still want to help her out. I answer 'yes ma'am' as a reflex, and then drop my jaw as she undresses. I gather that I have promised, somewhere in my drunken state, to see whether she can bear to have sex again. Even a failure such as me isn't sure that this is the best cure, and I ask about counselling - she dismissively says she has had months. this is something she just needs to punch her way through. the fire comes back in her eyes as she asks me whether i am backing out, whether she is now worthless, soiled goods, no longer desirable? God, I am doing this badly. I sit down next to her, hold her against me, as she shakes and kiss her gently. 'katie, I am more worried that i will make things worse, go to fast, say the wrong things, be a cad.' she looks fragile and small, naked on the bed and uncomfortable. I dont think this is right so i give her my robe. over coffee and pastry we plan this out for when justin is away, and I have what turns out to be a brainwave. Phoebe and I will have dance lessons with Justin and Katie in a variety of different styles. It will help her be held closely, encouraging the physical in a safe environment. pheebs will say yes to help katie, and it will give justin a reason that we know each other. And katie and i will start more slowly with holding, kissing and i will try and get the laughter back.

Dancing turned out to be the key. Katie had always loved dance, losing herself in the rhythm, and we would dance together in the evenings we were together and gradually holding became kissing and became something more. This time, though, i knew i was falling in love. I could see that katie loved justin, when he was there, she had no eyes for anyone else, and the passion and connection in their dance felt like a fist in my stomach. But when we were alone, I gave her back the gift that she had once given me. Slowly.

Slowly we had started with holding and kissing, gentle kisses in safe areas, letting her relax into them, gently holding through the night so that flesh could give comfort and warmth and yet not pressurise into anxiety or fear. Gradually the kisses gained depth and could kiss back, the areas became more intimate until finally there was no fear in a night of receiving the pleasure of a kisses touch. I had learnt my lesson well from her in how to taste a woman, and refined it over the years so that I could give pleasure with ease. I had never delivered that pleasure so slowly and delicately, balancing every move and advance with her subtle responses so that it should always be a pleasure, an advance, an unfurling of acceptance and erotic desire from the hard shell of shame and denial that had been armour to prevent the horror of the cardassian depravity from hurting her inner self and soul. Many nights I would pause and just hold her, promising that one day, someday, kissing her hair, comforting her. The first time she cried out in pleasure we both wept for the joy of it.

The dancing in the studio got hotter! The physicality between her and Justin caused Pheebs and I to gaze in amazement at how much could be intimated through movement alone. They burned the dance studio, moving from the enthusiasm of ceroc to the seductiveness of Argentinian tango. Justin could move well, but Katie, she could have done this as a professional. We copied her moves, and occasionally, without love but with friendship and passion Pheebs and I would tumble back into her apartment to take the dancing to its logical conclusion as an expression of physical need. Neither of us took this as romance, and we both wondered whether Justin wanted to do the same with Katie. Katie and I never told Pheebs about the intimacy we were sharing, and since in front of Justin it didn't exist, I hope that she never knew. But she did know I loved Katie, I could see in the compassion she gave me, and it gave a reason for my help. The Janeway pack healing one of their own.

It was not long before she came in one night and demanded that she needed to be able to return the oral favour. Katie is certainly determined and decisive, and it is clear why she wants this. I gave her a knowing grin, and she responded with a thump to my chest. It was probably one of the hardest nights we had, in every meaning of that word, with her pleasuring me over and over again until I thought I might die from it. The memory of the feel of her kisses delineating the muscles of my abdomen with slow and erotic abandon makes my cock twitch now. That she did it in different ways, at different speeds to ascertain the most enjoyable for me, and the most cliffhangingly delightful is a testament to her thoroughness and the scientific method. It is a good thing I am sitting at the conn whilst I remember this, there wont be any standing up quickly. As ever, Katie was thorough in her research, tender and skilled with her delivery. I was delighted, after a month of sublimating my desires and need for hers, now it was all about me, and I took the opportunity to be very very greedy. By the time her soft lips moved over my head, and licked gently the joining, I was very ready to lose control completely. I held on though, remembering that it was still all about Katie, and ramming myself down her throat was going to end the procedings pretty swiftly. Instead I let her curl her tongue around me, obtaining my taste, my musk, my flavour, I let her press along the length with her tiny white hands, cupping my balls and then following the shaft to the perineum and to the edge of my anus. Deep pressure made me twitch and jump whilst held gently by her mouth, and the combination of deep pressure and gentle licks and swirls was mesmerizingly seductive, dragging me into the joy and anticipation of the moment. When the other hand played with my balls, and her hair draped and caressed my abdomen I groaned out her name. I looked down as she looked up, and the gods help me, one of my all time images of her is her blue eyes grinning up at me with mischief through the copper curls of her dishevelled hair tossed around like my emotions at that moment, my cock in her mouth and balls in her hand. Just as I come. She milked and swallowed and then laughed with such freedom, slithering up me to kiss me with passion and tenderness. 'I chalk that one up as a success then' she told me.

I rolled over as if to sleep, fully satiated, but she thumped me hard, and told me if I needed a rest, I had the time it took for her to shower. After thirty minutes, I went to find her, and she turned, hand on hips in a pose that I would come to recognise in the future and demanded what had taken so long. I sprung to attention, and in that shower, whilst she knelt at my feet, I did, finally get to lose control, love her with her full permission, and she took me completely and utterly. As I spent myself , she cried his name, and I was undone. All my myths about just being there to help her, not getting involved, being a love them and leave them guy all washed away with the water. I was desperately and completely in love and so was she, but not with me. She sat in the kitchen afterwards, as we drank to success, and I knew that our days were numbered. I think she was so wrapped up in Justin and her journey of discovery, that she didn't stop to wonder or think about what we were doing. After all, I had offered, no strings, childhood friend, free and easy

Pheebs whispered to me that after all justin's definition of sex was somewhat tight, and seemed to be limited to 'procreative activities' and we both roared with laughter at that, gaining ourselves glowers from other dance partners. I understood Katie's request fully. Pheebs and I concentrated on the line of the tango, Pheebs twirling around me and both of us studiously ignoring Katie and Justin. The volcano of jealousy was beginning to grow in me, and I knew that I was going to have to finish this. A night of hot sex with Pheebs did nothing to drown the noise of my need for Katie. I knew i was a bastard, and apologised to Pheebs in the morning. She laughed, and said hot sex like that needed no apology, then looked concerned, and said that maybe we needed to stop the dancing for the sake of my sanity. Oh yes, she clearly could see that the heat i had was for her sister. As I said, a bastard.

That weekend Katie and I had our final night. I wined and dined Katie, and told her I was going to treat her like a lover all evening and all night, without break, and I was sure that she was ready for this. I transported us back to our family beach hut and we ate below the stars, dancing closely entwined to the beat of her music before we let ourselves succumb to desire. I led her back to the bedroom that we had barely left before, murmuring words of love, appreciation of her beauty, strength, fortitude and delicacy. I kissed her gently, and then with increasing fervour in all her favourite places, in the hollow of her neck, under her ear, gently across her clavicle, slowly spinning her around whilst undressing her. As her shimmering dress floated to the floor, she stepped out, no signs of hesitation, slight of figure, but made of duranium and as everlasting. As I admired her, I smiled at her whispered 'taste me' , smiled to remember before, when she had taught me so much. It felt good to be returning the gift. I needed no encouragement this time, but kissed and licked her, tasting the salt of tears on her cheek, the perspiration around her neck, following the curves of her body down to her breasts, feeling them harden against me, licking sucking on and gently biting, whilst stroking and caressing. My fingers hovered, fluttering over her body, feeling it perhaps for the last time delicately, tenderly.

I sat on the bed and pulled her towards me, gently kissing down her abdomen in slow lazy trails, eddies in the plasma manifold, as devastatingly slowly and seductively as she had practiced on me. My hands brushed like gossamer strands down her back and buttocks, barely touching, following the routes of muscles, so well delineated by both dance and Starfleet training, fingers teasing and twirling. She placed her hands in my hair pulling my face up to hers as she knelt over me, on the bed, to kiss me. Initially gently, like the soft arousal of our slow dance, and then, sinking into the kiss, with increased power and forcefulness. It felt as if something had come back alive, an enjoyment, a wildness, a return of laughter. Then, without forethought or temporizing, she lowered herself decisively onto me. Blowing my slow and steady plan out of the water. We sat, intimately joined, and I felt the exquisite feel of her tightly clasping me, ensheathing me completely in her warmth. She breathed at me 'do it' as if she were a wild animal or bird, both desirous to stay and poised to escape, unable to proceed or withdraw, caught between two moments. I kissed her gently and calmly, placing all my unspoken love and desire in that kiss, and with my hands, guided her hips to move gently on me. As if remembering our time before, the breath and fear slowly left her, she chose to stay and she started to move, caress me, and gently undulate against me. I felt myself move within her as I matched her slow rhythm to provide counterpoint. As the friction and expectation, anticipation of delight inflamed us both, I continued to kiss her, worship her body with my mouth, tongue, fingers and voiced her beauty and the delight she gave me, words of love torn from me without admitting that love.

I felt as her anxiety gave way, as her body started to move with more freedom, with purpose. No longer was she worried about memories, past hurts, or troubled by the betrayal of the past. No longer did she need to worry that this would be painful, or her body would betray her with its previous associations. Instead, as we joined with increasing pleasure and fervour, it was clear that our slow courtship and the dancing over the last 2 months has allowed the dissociation between her capture and her rapture. She has refound delight and pleasure. She kissed me too, tongue plunging and pillaging, desiring the little death of two people joining with trust and passion, her fingers raking my back down to my ass where they curl round and pull me even closer. She Wants Me. I feel the heat of our entwinement pushing me to brink of oblivion and as she thrusts and grinds against me, I find that I am reciting poorly remembered facts of stellar cartography, which I am shortly going to fail, to delay the inevitable headlong fall into pure animalistic pleasure. Her face is wild with abandon, looking like the goddess she is, as she arches and screams against me at her release, gods she is noisy! As she breaks the rhythm writihing and arching with abandon, I hold her and roll us over so she is finally lying beneath me. She looks up, spread on the bed her hair copper against the white sheets, smiling up at me with trust and desire. I cant help but check that this is ok, and she rasps at me to carry on. I am empowered, invincible with her consent, and thrust hard, and push into the well of rapture, pulsing and clenching against me. She thrusts back, wrapping tightly around me encouraging me deeper, harder, faster. Powering in and against her, like an unstoppable force of nature I plunge over and over again, surging her to her second orgasm, before I also join her, bucking hard before collapsing against her. As we both lie, sided by side, gasping up at the ceiling, I make my heart beat more slowly and make my final sacrifice. 'Well, Katie dearest, I have to say that this has been very delightful, and I have enjoyed our time, but I think I am going to declare you cured. Justin is a very lucky man' . She beams at me, kisses my forehead and gets up, emotions under control, radiating acceptance. She has showered and dressed and beams out before I even get my breathing under control, let alone my wayward heart.

I was supposed to see her at the next dance class, but I comm pheebs to say that I think the job is done, and I am flunking Starfleet and bail out. A cowardly bastard. I don't get out of bed for the next week and fail stellar cartography. My father takes none of this very well, and after an almighty blazing row, where i make up some girls name in to cover up the secret I nearly spill, I am packed off planet to cool my heals with a personal tutor. I miss hearing of Admiral Janeway's death, and Justin until much too late. Over time, I put Katie janeway to the back of my mind, and try not to measure every woman against her. I am rarely even close to success, and get a reputation for hard loving and moving on. One day, against all expectation, I find the woman, and all that love I have spills out and my life is unmeasurably better because of it. I found B'Elanna, and I knew how to follow her love and make a save haven for her too. I truly thank the gods for the gifts both Katie and Captain Janeway have given me, and am glad that at one point, I was able to give her a gift too.

Looking up, I realise that I have been daydreaming for too long, and I catch the captain as she is in the mess hall, honouring our dead. She turns around ahni jetal's image, we are nearing the end of our losses. Like all on the bridge, we say our own words, I realise I have missed Lyndsay Ballard, who Harry lost twice. I remember Joe in my own way and salute as his name comes up. Lost so late when home were was so close , lost so devastatingly as we thought he was returning to safety. All our loses, and that is the one that was personal to me. Goodbye Joe, I will remember you to your wife and family. Tell them that you never forgot them, loved them always. One family man from another. Harry signals to me knowing and giving the balm of friendship, and I wave back, we are all remembering. We will remember them.


	6. Chapter 6 - back in Klingon arms

_Set after chapter celebrate our/her success. after 16 s/12310181/16/Coming-Home-with-You, and best read if you have read that. The stories intertwine, but as this one as more 'M' I can't really merge them now._

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I race back from the bridge to our quarters to meet with B'Elanna, reflecting on all that has happened in the bridge.

We are home, I have seen earth take over our viewscreen and thrown the captain on my shoulder with chakotay and paraded her around the bridge, finally standing in front of the viewscreen. As I held her so close, having spent the day reminiscing on our history, having the scent of her at my face is nearly unbearable in its intoxication. I am B'Elanna's, and all of me knows I have made the commitment there, and would never want to change this, but history has a way of pulling at you. When she ruffles my hair, it is a pure reminder, and I stand to attention. I would be self-conscious, but I am fairly sure it has had the same result for Chakotay. B'Elanna is at my side though, and her Klingon senses notice everything, so when the Captain slides down I am pulled into a very fierce embrace with a promise attached to it. When we break apart, seven is berating chakotay, who is watching Kathryn race away into her readyroom. Shortly after he breaks free to join her.

I raise my eyebrows and Naomi shows me her image of Chakotay and the Captain facing each other, hands entwined and her free hand on his chest. They look a second away from a kiss, there is no other reasonable explanation. Of note, it is a good image of B'E and I. I ask Naomi to send me a copy, but that we should prob not send it around. Her face gives away that I am slightly too late with this suggestion! B'E hugs me and says she is returning to our quarters to get operation party underway, that I need to update her with regards to the command team, as if it isn't a go, then she will be getting ready with the captain. We both take a deep breath. Surely the pair can get themselves together now. I look at the image of them on my PADD.

I look up and watch Seven try the ready room. She fails to gain entrance flouncing off back to astrometrics or cargo bay 2, I presume, without any further discussion. I feel sorry for her, but also angry. tuvok mouths 'lockdown' . coming home has had an effect on him! he is far more sharing. He, Harry, Sam and I share a look. 'OK folks,' I say, 'whatever happens in there, we are in charge of making this party a success. Agreed?' I scuttlebutt check, make some polls, organise some party pumping music for everyone, and B'E is clearly getting impatient for my return. A hot Klingon is hard to keep waiting! Finally the Captain leaves, and so do I, hightailing back to quarters, to B'E.

The door just opens and I am dragged in by a hot a bothered Klingon. As always, I translate all her Klingon curses and epithets as tokens of love. My uniform is quite literally torn off – yet more rations required to replace – and her post sonic shower robe is hardly a hindrance to us. Throwing her against the bulkhead, I thrust into her, hammering away my hardest whilst biting down on her neck. I have no idea if the door has even shut yet. God, B'E has a way of driving all rational thought from my head. She clings to me, legs around my hips and throws her head back shrieking loudly as she rakes down my back. At least this time there is nothing broken! Gods, I thrust in her for all I am worth, feeling her delicious hotness surrounding me, tightening against me. As I squeeze and tweak B'E in all her favourite places, she comes, very loudly, and surprising me with a soaking of milk. I thrust into her to pin her against the bulkhead as I join her in ecstasy. It has been a while since we had such freedom in our lovemaking, having to work around an ever-growing Miral. As I hold her through the aftershocks I start a rapid apology. How could I have ignored the fact she has only just given birth. I am an inconsiderate P'tak, just as she always declares.

I carry her to our bed, laying her gently down, apologising all the way, searching for our dermal regenerator. I think she might be crying, and I look up, to find my concerned face throws her into ever louder hysterics. God! I have broken her. I draw her into my arms to comfort her, and she punches me away. 'Stupid human' she shrieks out, and I realise she is actually laughing! I sit down on the bed uncertain whether to be outraged by her laughter, or join in. My obvious befuddlement makes her laugh louder, and Miral wakes up. Not to be outdone, she joins in the shrieking with an empressive shout of her own. Torn between my two beloved women, I rescue Miral first, who B'E snatches and makes the most of the leaking milk. Both women calm down, and she finally turns to me.

'Sorry, but you looked so worried tom!' and when I sheepishly admit to forgetting she had given birth that all I was thinking about was, erm, her? She grabs me, and kisses me hard, so hard in fact that I nearly forget about Miral a second time. B'E laughs louder. 'Worthless P'tak, I love you' she throws me onto my back and climbs aboard. Clearly Klingon childbirth and recovery is different from human. Clutching Miral to her chest she grins as leverages herself to ensheath me again. I see her radiant smile, and thank the fates that directed my life so far, that I should have sunk low to enjoy now where I am. That I have found a life, love and direction in the delta quadrant on voyager. I tease her, moving slowly and gently, stroking her, guessing that with Miral in her arms she will be limited in her retaliation. But as she curls her free hand around my balls, reaching further, she spurs me on, and soon she is riding me hard pulsing against me, laughing wildly and shouting to Kahless and looking up at my two women, my cock driving itself harder and harder until I empty myself again, a cool river in her increased heat. I laugh too. It is a good day to live!

Our laughter cuts off later, when the doctor comms us to remind us we are both due boosters. Apparently, he meant to update us before we left sickbay, but the captains pelegrinage somewhat scuppered that plan.

'kahless/god!' indeed. We stare at each other in consternation. Surely we haven't, couldn't have, could we? As B'Elanna continues to swear loudly, threatens to decompile the doctors programme, or add him a pregnancy of his own – something I think is an intriguing possibility in compassion – I get Miral cleaned and changed, another child would be no bad thing either. I message Chakotay, tho I am relieved to see he has left the ready room, to ask if he requires any help. I get a rather snide comm to discontinue the music selection in his quarters. Cheerily, I tell Chakotay that it was to help him in his selection of armwear this evening. This gives me a curse from both him and B'Elanna. I change his music selection to that of the Captains, and grin at B'Elanna before shooing her out to pre-party with the Captain.

I promise to have eyes only for her tho I might dance with the Captain. We take a moment to eye each other seriously, as this is a serious permission. She nods. 'Remember you are mine though flyboy, and return to me.' 'always' I smirk back at her. My body again betraying just how much her man I am. I may have spent the day in part with my memories of Katie, but these are just memories, they are my past. Looking at B'E ready to go out, trusting me implicitly, and down at the downy head of Miral, here is my future. I have indeed come home.

B'E leaves with all she needs to pre-party with the captain and Sam, promising to make it wild. I have a slow sonic shower, and get myself and Miral ready whilst silencing an increasingly belligerent commentary from Chakotay on the comm over the captains upbeat music. Even Ayala joins in at one point. I smile, as at least that means someone has been talking to the commander. Finally Miral and I are ready, and Harry joins us so that we can have one beer before making our way to Voyagers last party in the holodeck as team only.

When we leave, we will swing past the transporters, as we have one unofficial voyager to pick up. Harry and I grin at each other, partners in crime and mischief as always. Bring it on! we are the Princes of Parties!

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 _I hope you enjoyed the diversion from the main story. I am not sure whether this story is complete, but the party continues on back at coming home with you._


End file.
